I see him sitting in his rocking chair, under the cool shadow of
the cherry tree we planted all those years ago. Eyes closed,
a smile on his lips, he’s doing what he loved doing best..
listening to the wind rustling the woods that surround the old house.
Grandpa’s ears,always alert, pick up the sweet music of the dry
leaves crunching under my feet. He looks at me and grins.
I feel like a six year old all over again,making little paper boats
with him by the lake..
I sit at his feet ,leaning close towards him ,laying my head on his lap.
I open my mouth to tell him how much I love him
,how sorry I am that I couldn’t tell him that all those years ago..
but no words come out. I try again and again…
but words die in my throat,frozen,dead..
Suddenly I hear grandpa say “I know”.
My head shoots up to his face. He is still smiling,
the molten brown of his eyes swirling hypnotically ,
as if he could see right through my soul..
I can’t take it anymore. My thoughts are in a disarray
as all the images from the past dance before my eyes like
a surreal slideshow. I’m sure he too can see it.-
grandma kissing me for the last time, a friend walking out on me,
me arguing with mom and dad over going to the UCLA,
me blushing beet red as Scott kissed me for the first time ,
me squabbling with him over our relationship…
I turn to grandpa wanting to tell him how I end up making a mess
of my emotions and my relationships, how I withdraw into the
deepest corners of my soul at the first sign of crisis, how,
no matter how many times a day my boyfriend tells me he loves me,
I just smile back at him, how it’s so difficult to hug mom and
tell her that I appreciate all that she does, how I don’t run up to dad ,
anymore ,every time he comes home,and if this is what growing up
is all about, I wanted to be a child all over again!
Another “I know” hangs in the air.
He takes my small hands in his big ,wrinkled ones and looking into
my eyes he says “Break down those walls Emma. They’re no good”
Before I can react, he slowly vaporizes into thin air…a blink and
he’s gone.
Big tears fall down my eyes as the import of what just happened
sinks in.I get up and walk towards the house drying my tears
and letting the night air, still warm from his presence, soothe me.
Scott is waiting at the door. I smile. He comes here every day
so that I don’t get lonely around the big house ,with mom and dad
away in
whispering a heartfelt “I love you” in the process. He hugs me tighter.
I decide to call my parents up tonight ..just to tell them how much
I miss them. Sofie,my little beagle, is nudging my feet. Scott picks her up
and we go into the house.I lock the door for the night.
It must have been an illusion.It couldn’t have been grandpa.
He died 6 years ago… “Damaged kidney” they’d said. But the voice was
His…those eyes, the “I know” …all of it.
I turn back to join Scott at the dinner table….then something grandpa
had once said comes back to me…
“People live forever in the hearts of those that love them”
It makes sense.It does…
:D
Comments
Venkat.